As we’ve seen, going to the cinema is usually a waste of time these days. Much better to put your feet up and read a good book. However, a book is a considerably greater investment of time than a film, often requiring days or even weeks to get through, and with so many genres to choose from these days picking the right book can be a difficult, even stressful task. Here, then, are some tips to help you choose the right book. To ensure you don’t squander many hours on unrewarding reading simply avoid all of the following:
Anything written by a woman.
Practically every book written by a woman can be summarised in four words: he didn’t understand her. There are some books that don’t conform to this formula, Frankenstein, Harry Potter, some books by Agatha Christie, but these aren’t really worth reading either. Even in genre fiction female authors generally stick to the same theme, e.g. sci-fi: he didn’t understand her, because he was from Alpha Centauri and she was from Opsillon 5, horror: he didn’t understand her because she was a vampire, crime: he didn’t understand her so she killed him, etc. Of course, if you actually are a woman it’s quite conceivable that this theme will appeal to you.
Anything that’s the winner of a wanky ‘literary’ award like the Booker Prize.
If you really want to impress some intellectual halfwits and read such crap prepare to be utterly bored for what will seem like years (and in fact probably will be considering how easy such books are to put down) and be no wiser at the end of it.
Anything with dragons on the cover.
It’s not always true that you can’t judge a book by its cover. If there are dragons on a book cover there will be dragons in the book and only an idiot wants to read a book with dragons in it.
Anything by J. R.R. Tolkien
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