Life's Mysteries

There are a host of things that will likely go forever unexplained: ufos, stonehenge, how the pyramids were built, the nature of mind, and how on earth My Space has become one of the most popular sites on the Internet.

I've just created a profile for a new musical project I'm working on. Actually I created two profiles since there was nothing to indicate that band profiles had a different sign up process. Having created my profile I now want to edit the look and feel of it. I'm presented with a hideous, complicated looking interface. First I check my inbox which has a new message from my 'friend' Tom. He welcomes me to My Space, etc, the message ends with:

"P.S. One thing I can't help you with is HTML/decorating your profile; sorry!"

Which rather frustratingly is the exact thing I need help with. After much searching I find a 'help' page and browse to the following advice:

"How do I add color, graphics, & sound to my Profile page?

Adding color, graphics, and sound to your profile page is easy and requires only a basic knowledge of HTML (the programming language used to create web pages on the Internet). Simply go to "Edit Profile" and enter the desired HTML coding where appropriate.If you do not know HTML, you can reach out and make a new friend by asking someone who has color, graphics, and/or sound on their Profile page how they did it. People on MySpace are friendly and always willing to help, so just ask! This is a great way to meet new people!"

Easy? I'm a Postgrad in IT with a fair amount of experience in making websites and a pretty good knowledge of HTML and I would never have figured it out. There doesn't seem to be any suitable places to enter/edit the HTML/CSS. In blogger I can see the entire HTML for the page and edit it pretty freely. Nothing like that in MySpace. I asked a friend who informed me to enter it into the band details boxes. Done that, got the page the colour I want but half the page has disappeared and the profile editing interface has gone all to pot. What a load of crap.

Job Interviews

So you’re sitting nervously on the big sofa in waiting room, not getting too comfortable in case you appear slovenly when the interviewer greets you (that first impression being so important and all), making sure you don’t fidget in case they’re watching you on CCTV. You’ve refused a cup of coffee in case you spill it over your cleanly pressed white shirt or choke and spray it all over the interviewer or commit some other mishap that is absolutely bound to occur in an interview. After a tense fifteen minute wait the interviewer comes to greet you – strong eye contact, a firm (but not too firm), handshake with rehearsed greeting, then led into the interview room. You cautiously stand until the interviewer asks you to sit so as not to appear forthright. Once seated and with pleasantries about the weather, building, finding the place etc. out of the way the interview begins.

‘So! Tell us a little bit about yourself.’

‘Huh? Didn’t you get the CV I sent? Or the fourteen page application form I spent an entire evening completing? Look, they’re on the desk in front of you. Didn’t you read what I wrote before the interview? Did I spend hours compiling the tedious details of my life only to have to repeat the same information in the interview? Will you be wanting a transcript of the interview as well?

‘I mean, suppose before the interview, you gave me a brochure entitled, ‘About Smith & Esquire’, or whatever your stupid company is called, to read while waiting, and then, in the interview when you say if I’ve got any questions, the first thing I ask is, ‘So! Could you tell me a little bit about the company?’ How much of a moron would you think I was? Probably less than I am for continuing to pretend that I want to work for your crap company.’

Good News - Inciting Violence Against EU Diplomats is Lawful

I read today that the EU is planning to criminalize holocaust denial:

http://www.ft.com/cms/s/122134be-ed14-11db-9520-000b5df10621.html

According to the article, “The latest draft, seen by the Financial Times, will make it mandatory for all Union member states to punish public incitement “to violence or hatred directed against a group of persons or a member of such a group defined by reference to race, colour, religion, descent or national or ethnic origin”.”

Obviously if inciting violence or hatred were illegal in general there would be no need for this law. It follows then that it’s lawful to incite violence or hatred against persons or members of a group not defined by race, colour, religion, descent or national or ethnic origin. As EU diplomats are not defined by these traits I encourage the use of extreme violence against them and will also be inciting as much hatred against them as I can the moment I’ve figured out exactly what inciting hatred entails and where the boundaries are.

Is Web 2.0 the Precursor to a New Dark Ages?

Can there possibly be anything more annoying than the term Web 2.0? If it was just Web 2 that would be bad enough but it’s that ‘.0’, as if there’s a team of programmers currently working towards the release of Web 2.1, that makes me want to nuke silicon valley. How is it possible to be such a wanker that you think this is a cool name?

There is no such thing as Web 2.0. You don’t type www2.0.whatever.com in your browser. There is only the World Wide Web, a thing that has been constantly evolving with new technologies since its inception. They didn’t talk of Road 2.0 when they invented the automobile, or Ship 2.0 when they ditched sails for steam power. Or maybe some did and rightfully were permanently silenced, which is why we’ve never heard of it. If so we’re definitely sliding towards a new dark ages allowing their modern counterparts to go unpunished.

Nobody really knows what Web 2.0 is meant to refer to exactly, but it’s apparently something to do with interactivity and user generated content; You Tube and My Space being prominent examples. The fact that ebay and countless chat forums had been around long before anyone coined the phrase Web 2.0 seems to have escaped those who seem to think we’re undergoing some spectacular collective leap in human consciousness. Basically Web 2.0 means your web page content is at the mercy of anyone with a pc and internet access who isn’t capable of making their own website, and no matter how bad you think that sounds in theory the reality is infinitely worse. Think of all the things you love about your favourite movies, (probably themselves Hollywood dross); story, cinematography, acting, soundtrack, special effects, character development etc., then imagine a five minute film with none of these qualities whatsoever. Imagine a hundred such films being posted to the internet every second of every day and you have the bottomless pit of banality that is YouTube.

On the bright side, at least the infrastructure of the internet means this stuff isn’t for the most part being broadcast throughout the galaxy. Any alien civilisation that received it would be practically compelled to exterminate the human race.

Now check out this amazing optical illusion. If you put your face right up to the screen you’ll swear it’s spinning.