Job Interviews

So you’re sitting nervously on the big sofa in waiting room, not getting too comfortable in case you appear slovenly when the interviewer greets you (that first impression being so important and all), making sure you don’t fidget in case they’re watching you on CCTV. You’ve refused a cup of coffee in case you spill it over your cleanly pressed white shirt or choke and spray it all over the interviewer or commit some other mishap that is absolutely bound to occur in an interview. After a tense fifteen minute wait the interviewer comes to greet you – strong eye contact, a firm (but not too firm), handshake with rehearsed greeting, then led into the interview room. You cautiously stand until the interviewer asks you to sit so as not to appear forthright. Once seated and with pleasantries about the weather, building, finding the place etc. out of the way the interview begins.

‘So! Tell us a little bit about yourself.’

‘Huh? Didn’t you get the CV I sent? Or the fourteen page application form I spent an entire evening completing? Look, they’re on the desk in front of you. Didn’t you read what I wrote before the interview? Did I spend hours compiling the tedious details of my life only to have to repeat the same information in the interview? Will you be wanting a transcript of the interview as well?

‘I mean, suppose before the interview, you gave me a brochure entitled, ‘About Smith & Esquire’, or whatever your stupid company is called, to read while waiting, and then, in the interview when you say if I’ve got any questions, the first thing I ask is, ‘So! Could you tell me a little bit about the company?’ How much of a moron would you think I was? Probably less than I am for continuing to pretend that I want to work for your crap company.’