I’m ashamed to admit that I do still take an interest in The Turner Prize. It holds a strange and morbid fascination similar to that of the rancid smell between my toes (which I'll be entering next year). But the entries are very boring and uncontroversial these days, utterly devoid of the cartoon vulgarity of previous entries. There’s even hoary old stuff like photography! Philistines. The best headline grabber they can muster this year is a protest at the Iraq war. And all the guy’s done is put up a few banners. Yawn. You’d think he might have been able to muster a few mutilated babies swimming in faeces eating their parents blown off limbs or something similar in keeping with classic Turner Prize entries. Tasteless this may be but when an artist deals with a topic such as the Iraq War I’d much rather be shocked, horrified, appalled ... overwhelmed by something other than indifference.

'Could you protest outside please Sir. This is the space for the rancid-toe-smell.'

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